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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28333071">Worth It</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aria_Lerendeair/pseuds/Aria_Lerendeair'>Aria_Lerendeair</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Magnus Bane Birthday Bash 2020 [11]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Shadowhunters (TV), The Shadowhunter Chronicles - All Media Types, The Shadowhunter Chronicles - Cassandra Clare</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alec Makes His Choice, Alternate Ending of 1x12, Boys finally get their shit together, Confessions, Continuing the "I Will Not Ask Again" Conversation, Episode 1x12, Getting Together, Insecure Alec Lightwood, Insecure Magnus Bane, Kisses, M/M, What-If Scene</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 02:33:34</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,111</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28333071</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aria_Lerendeair/pseuds/Aria_Lerendeair</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Magnus doesn't leave his house after Alec turns away to leave after he says that he will not ask Alec again.  That means Magnus is there when Alec turns back around and... starts to talk.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Magnus Bane Birthday Bash 2020 [11]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2069832</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>421</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Worth It</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.  This particular fic was not a prompt, but the second I saw the link to<br/><a href="https://arialerendeair.tumblr.com/post/638055105923547136/matthewaddario-even-if-i-did-feel-something-for">THIS</a> I couldn't resist writing a mini fix-it for it, so please enjoy what COULD have happened in that scene had Magnus remained in his house when Alec turned around.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p><br/>With a quick twist of his fingers, he was glamoured.  </p><p><br/>Magnus stared at the rigid back of Alec Lightwood and waited for him to walk out of the loft and out of his life.  Good rid- </p><p><br/>He blinked in surprise when Alec turned back around, and the indecision and hope on his face made Magnus take a step forward, even if Alec couldn’t see him right now.  </p><p><br/>Alec didn’t stop turning, until he was facing, almost entirely, the spot where Magnus had been standing.  Magnus watched Alec assess and look around the room, his eyes frantic, until eventually, finally, they stilled and dropped to the floor.  </p><p><br/>Magnus frowned.  What the hell was Alec doing?  He’d made his choice, made his decision, now he just needed to walk out of the room and get on with it.  In a day he’d be married and he’d never think of this, or <em>him,</em> again.  (He did his best to ignore the traitorous voice in the back of his mind that reminded him just how difficult it was going to be to forget Alec Lightwood.)  </p><p><br/>“Magnus?” </p><p><br/>Alec’s voice was quiet, hesitant, and Magnus swallowed hard, his mouth dry and his heart pounding too hard.  He’d meant it.  He’d spent long enough chasing after Alec and now it was time for him to protect his own heart.  But Alec still hadn’t turned away, was standing in the middle of his loft, his expression crumbling more by the second, making Magnus’ heart ache.  </p><p><br/>“I’m…fuck, angels above I’m scared,” Alec admitted, his voice even quieter, barely able to get the words out.  He clenched his hands and rubbed his fingers together.  </p><p><br/>Magnus couldn’t move, arrested by the sight of Alec Lightwood’s shoulders hunching, his face twisted with a dozen emotions.  For the first time, he was seeing just how heavy the weight on those broad shoulders was, and he took another step forward as the shadowhunter sucked in hard, shaky breaths.  </p><p><br/>The sound of Alec’s phone going off made him jump, but Alec was silencing it without ever removing it from his pocket.  Magnus swallowed and debated revealing himself, but Alec still hadn’t moved, hadn’t turned away again.  </p><p><br/>“You were…” Alec shook his head and sighed.  “I, I wanted you to tell me it was worth it.  The risk.  Of, of everything.”  He pushed his fingers through his hair.  “Too late now,” he muttered.  </p><p><br/>Magnus’ heart stuttered several painful beats in his chest and he stopped himself from moving even closer to Alec.  He still hadn’t moved, hadn’t turned to walk away, to go to his picture-perfect shadowhunter life that was waiting for him.  Instead, he waited, and watched Alec struggle to breathe, his shoulders hunched and his entire body curling in on itself.  </p><p><br/>When Alec’s phone rang again, Magnus watched Alec straighten, the mask snapping back into place like it had never been gone as he picked up the call this time, listening to whatever was being said.  </p><p><br/>“Yes, I’m on my way back now,” Alec said.  He closed his eyes at the inquiry from Izzy.  “No.  It doesn’t matter.  I’ll be back soon.”  He snapped the phone shut and slid it back into his pocket.  </p><p><br/>Magnus knew that he needed to turn away, that he didn’t need to watch Alec Lightwood walk out of his life forever.  That he didn’t need to put himself through that pain, but the mask had fallen away from Alec again and he couldn’t look away from the pain and fear there.  He barely managed to get out of the way when Alec stepped into the loft, striding past him.  </p><p><br/>Magnus watched as Alec moved to where he could see the whole room, as the shadowhunter surveyed the space.  What the hell was he looking for?  What did he want <em>now?</em>  </p><p><br/>Alec pressed his hand to one of the brick columns and took a deep breath.  </p><p><br/>Magnus waited, but Alec didn’t move.  He stood there, with his hand pressed to the stone column, and if Magnus hadn’t been watching him as closely as he was, he never would have seen the faint tremble in his shoulders.  With a sigh, he stepped around Alec and crossed his arms over his chest before dropping the glamour on himself.  </p><p><br/>“What are you doing?” he asked, raising an eyebrow.  Magnus didn’t expect Alec to give a full body flinch, his hand moving away from the brick, his face going blank, and his back straightening.  Once again the soldier.  </p><p><br/>“It doesn’t matter,” Alec said.  “I’ll leave now.”  He turned and strode for the door.  </p><p><br/>Magnus snapped his fingers and stopped Alec in his tracks, raising an eyebrow when it got him a furious glare.  “I asked you a question, Alec.  What were you doing?”  </p><p><br/>“And I told you it doesn’t matter,” Alec growled, glaring at Magnus.  “Now if you’ll excuse me, I have places I need to be.”  </p><p><br/>Magnus hummed and stepped closer, keeping his arms crossed over his chest.  “It <em>does</em> matter.  Now, tell me, or we’ll see just how long I can keep you rooted there.”  </p><p><br/>Alec’s eyes widened in understanding.  “You’ve been here the entire time.”  </p><p><br/>Magnus raised an eyebrow at him.  “I have.”  </p><p><br/>Alec sighed and closed his eyes.  “You’re not going to let me go until I tell you.” </p><p><br/>“No.  I am not,” Magnus agreed, keeping his eyes on the shadowhunter.  The answer had made Alec hunch his shoulders again, but he could still see the stubborn tilt to that jaw that made him want to smile.  </p><p><br/>“And you’ll let me go as soon as I tell you?” Alec asked, his voice a growl once again.  </p><p><br/>“Yes,” Magnus answered, waiting for more to escape the shadowhunter.  </p><p><br/>Alec took a deep breath.  “I told you it doesn’t matter and I meant it.  You’ve made yourself perfectly clear.”  He straightened his shoulders and met Magnus’ eyes.  “I like it here.”  </p><p><br/>Magnus blinked in surprise at the simple statement.  “You what?”  </p><p><br/>“I like it here,” Alec said with a nod.  “It’s a space with history, and comfort, and it embodies you.  I see you in every single inch of this place.  The color of the furniture, the arrangement, all of it.”  </p><p><br/>His mouth was dry again, and his heart was beating far too fast, but now that he’d started talking, apparently, Alec couldn’t stop.  </p><p><br/>“I wanted to say goodbye,” Alec said, tilting his chin up, unapologetic, even as his fingers trembled.  “To this space, to <em>you.</em>  To, to whatever we could have been.  I wanted…” His tone turned wistful.  </p><p><br/>Magnus stared.  </p><p><br/>“Just for a <em>minute,”</em> Alec whispered, his eyes shutting.  “I wanted to imagine being a part of this space.  Imagine drinking the glass of wine you snapped into my fingers.  Trying to flirt back.  Listening to you tell stories all night long again, except this time I stay for breakfast.”  He paused.  “Just… just for a minute.”  </p><p><br/>Magnus’ eyes were watering, and with a twist of his fingers, the spell around Alec’s feet was gone.  He turned away and moved into the loft.  “You’re free to go,” he managed, his voice rough.  He blinked hard, planting both of his hands on the back of the couch, breathing through the all too familiar sound of his heart breaking. The sound of footsteps headed to the door was enough to let a tear slip down his cheeks.  Fuck, he’d been a fool.  </p><p><br/>The door opened, and Magnus waited for the finality of the click of it closing, but it never came.  He frowned.  Had Alec not even bothered to close the fucking door?  He sighed and waved his hand to close it, but the door didn’t move.  He blinked.  The door slammed shut a moment later and he flinched, but then there were heavy boot steps and he spun around to stare at Alec, standing in the hallway again like he’d never left.  </p><p><br/>“Alec?” </p><p><br/>“Tell me it’s worth it,” Alec demanded, walking towards Magnus.  “Tell me that the risk is worth it.”  </p><p><br/>Magnus shook his head.  “I can’t decide that for you, Alexander.  And no relationship is a guarantee, ever.”  </p><p><br/>“Not that part,” Alec said, waving his hand.  “That’s important, but not what I’m asking.”  </p><p><br/>Magnus’ eyes sharpened and he raised an eyebrow.  “What do you mean, then?”  </p><p><br/>Alec sighed.  “Telling, telling them all I’m…” he hesitated, paused, and looked at Magnus.  “I’m not attracted to women.  That, that I won’t ever be happy being married to a woman.  Tell me it’s worth it.”  </p><p><br/>Magnus swallowed.  “It’s terrifying.  And for a while, it will feel like the world will stand against you, it might not even believe you, or try to convince you otherwise.”  </p><p><br/>Alec gave a tight nod.  </p><p><br/>“But,” Magnus paused and gave a faint smile.  “It’s worth it.  The weight you’ve been carrying for so long that you forget how heavy it is?  It’s gone.”  He lifted his eyes to Alec.  “Being gay doesn’t take away your accomplishments as a Shadowhunter, Alec.  It might take you a few more years to get into politics if that’s what you want.  But you are still the leader of your people, and with time, they will all see that that hasn’t changed.”  </p><p><br/>Alec swallowed hard.  “All right.”  He pulled his phone out of his pocket and hit a number, lifting it to his ear, looking straight at Magnus.  “Izzy?”  He waited for a beat.  “I’m canceling the wedding.”  Her silence stretched and he managed to continue.  “I’m, I’m gay.  I can’t, I can’t get married to Lydia.”  </p><p><br/>Magnus took a shaky breath, waiting, praying that Isabelle Lightwood was the kind of person he thought she was.  And when relief, bright and vibrant washed over Alec’s face, he nearly sagged in relief.  Alec had someone in his corner.  Sometimes that was all a person needed.  When Alec hung up the phone and stepped closer to him, Magnus froze, because the determination in Alec’s eyes was enough to have him shivering.  </p><p><br/>“Now that that’s taken care of.  One last thing,” Alec said, stopping in front of Magnus. “You were right, Magnus,” Alec said, taking another deep breath.  “About.  About all of it. About how I feel. For, for you.”  </p><p><br/>Magnus’ heart stopped beating for several very crucial seconds until it kicked into overdrive, pounding against his chest as Alexander stepped in even closer to him.  It would be nothing for him to tilt his head up and lean in to kiss the shadowhunter this close.  He couldn’t look away, how was he ever supposed to look away from Alec?</p><p><br/>“I don’t know what I’m doing,” Alec admitted.  “I haven’t done any of this before, Magnus.  But you said you wouldn’t ask again.  So, I’m, I’m asking.” </p><p><br/>Magnus blinked, his eyes widening.  “For what, precisely?” he managed to get out, his voice hoarse.  </p><p><br/>Alec’s lips quirked up.  “Drinks?” he asked.  “I think that’s what you offered before, right?”  </p><p><br/>Magnus swallowed hard again, but managed a nod.  “I’d love that, Alexander.” </p><p><br/>“Good,” Alec breathed, his eyes flickering between Magnus’ lips and his eyes.  </p><p><br/>Magnus felt devoured alive by the look in Alexander’s eyes, the heat, and the desire he could see there now that Alec wasn’t trying to keep a stranglehold on it.  He shuffled half a step closer, reaching out to playfully tuck his fingers into the belt loops of Alec’s jeans.  “Very good,” he agreed.  </p><p><br/><em>“Magnus,”</em> Alec breathed, his voice barely a whisper.  “Can, can I…” </p><p><br/>Magnus grinned, his heart fluttering the way it hadn't in decades.  “You may.”  </p><p><br/>Being kissed by Alec Lightwood was everything Magnus had imagined and more.  It was so easy to lose himself in the hesitant touch of those lips, teaching Alec to deepen the kiss until they were pressed together from thigh to chest.  Magnus didn’t know how long they kissed for, but he let himself fall into the slick slide of their lips, until they both had to fall apart for air.  </p><p><br/>Magnus was about to suggest that they schedule their drink date for later that evening, nevermind the wedding preparations that Alec needed to cancel, when Alec shifted his hold and wrapped his arms around him.  He closed his eyes and sagged into the tight hug, listening to the pounding beat of Alec’s heart.  </p><p><br/><em>“Thank you,”</em> Alec whispered, pressing his lips to Magnus’ cheek, breathing out hard.  “Thank you for not giving up on me, Magnus.”  He let his lips linger before whispering.  “You’re my choice.”  </p><p><br/>Magnus reached up and cupped Alec’s cheeks in his palms, waiting for those beautiful eyes to meet his again.  “You’re my choice too, Alexander.”  He grinned as Alec surged forward to kiss him again, wrapping his arms around Alec’s shoulders, holding on tight.  </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Comments and Criticisms welcome!</p><p>Come join a Multifandom Discord Server to hangout with me and others! -<br/><a href="https://discord.gg/82pvdE39fD">The Fandom Playhouse!</a></p><p>You can find me here:<br/><a href="http://arialerendeair.tumblr.com/">AriaLerendeair</a></p><p>And on twitter over here:<br/><a href="https://twitter.com/Aria_Lerendeair">Aria_Lerendeair</a></p></blockquote></div></div>
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